In this engaging episode, we explore the fascinating world of mentorship and how it can come from many different sources. We discuss how mentors can be found in the people close to you, or even in strangers we meet along the way. Listen in as we share our thoughts on the power of friendship and connection, and how something as simple as sharing food with strangers at a restaurant can make someone's day. We also touch on the importance of self-awareness and the courage it takes to ask for help or advice from others, even complete strangers. We share a personal story of an unexpected advice encounter, where a stranger approached Eddie for help with his relationship – a moment that exemplified the power of connection and how it can lead to unique opportunities. Discover how mentorship can come in various forms, including books and other alternative options, and why it's essential to be critical and question the advice we receive. Lastly, we discuss the differences between mentors, coaches, and therapists, and how each can play a role in our personal development. We emphasize the value of self-reflection and self-awareness as sources of mentorship and growth. Tune in to learn more about leadership development for business owners and how personal development can impact your business, attracting better employees and results. Don't miss this insightful conversation on mentorship, vulnerability, and the power of connection.
--------- EPISODE CHAPTERS ---------
(0:00:00) - Mentorship and Sharing Food With Strangers
(0:05:44) - Making Friends Through Sharing
(0:15:50) - Unexpected Advice Encounter
(0:20:15) - Asking a Stranger for Advice
(0:25:05) - Mentorship and Vulnerability
(0:31:24) - Mentorship and Alternative Options
(0:40:23) - Mentorship vs Coaching
(0:49:26) - Leadership Development for Business Owners
--------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ---------
(0:00:00) - Mentorship and Sharing Food With Strangers
Mentorship, "you know me", and sharing food with strangers are discussed.
(0:05:44) - Making Friends Through Sharing
We explore friendship, connection, social media, and mentorship.
(0:15:50) - Unexpected Advice Encounter
Relationships, unexpected connections, mentorship, advice, and the power of connection are discussed.
(0:20:15) - Asking a Stranger for Advice
Gaining insight from unexpected places, courage to reach out, making friends through conversation, and the power of relationships are discussed.
(0:25:05) - Mentorship and Vulnerability
Healthy entitlement, self-worth, scarcity, speaking up, and asking questions are discussed to help grow our sense of entitlement.
(0:31:24) - Mentorship and Alternative Options
We debate mentorship, its sources, and the importance of questioning advice.
(0:40:23) - Mentorship vs Coaching
Mentoring, coaching, and therapy are discussed to foster self-development, self-reflection, self-awareness, and healthy entitlement.
(0:49:26) - Leadership Development for Business Owners
Personal development can attract better employees and improve business results, with resources to identify root causes and treat symptoms.
Additional Resources:
- The Push Podcast's official website
- Join the Cake Cents FB Group
- Join the Push Podcast FB Group
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0:00:00 - Janelle
But I think a mentor, there's power in a mentor, because a mentor has done what you're asking, you know or you're trying to do and they're advising you and guiding you. And sometimes you don't wanna hear it, but that's the point of a mentor.
0:00:14 - Eddie
Yeah, and so where we kind of differed on that, like I see a mentor of anything that can provide mentorship And typically a mentor usually comes from someone that is close to being a peer of yours, where they're giving you guidance on something that is in real time But also I also see as a mentor as a person that doesn't necessarily have skin in the game, whether or not they, you succeed or not, right, So, for example, if I Are we agreeing that it's still a person?
Well, i'm saying that mentorship can come from many different ways. To me, it can come from if I watch the Push Podcast and I look at Eddie Janell as mentors, because I see what they're talking about. They talk to some of the problems that I'm going through and they give me guidance.
0:00:59 - Janelle
Their guidancebonus is kind of very different. I probably said by youtube like that before that theyORT me a mentor but like that is definitely it and you get into it. So just getting excellent Mojang involvement is a challenge for me as a mentor and working on our relationship.
0:01:27 - Eddie
And doing a laundry, going to the grocery store. Oh, and don't forget being mindful. Yeah, all of the stuff.
0:01:33 - Janelle
So if you're juggling all the things, but you're also trying to get to the next level, guess what You're in the right place. So get ready to be pushed. Hey guys, welcome back to the Push Podcast. I'm Janelle Copeland.
0:01:49 - Eddie
Why are you talking in slow motion?
0:01:50 - Janelle
This is Edward Copeland.
0:01:53 - Eddie
I refuse to give my name. I'm on a rider strike OK well anyways, hi there.
0:02:01 - Janelle
I don't know why, every single time we start the podcast, you have to have some sort of commentary on why you don't want to say your name.
0:02:10 - Eddie
Yeah, i don't know either, You just have this.
0:02:11 - Janelle
Like you know, people should know who I am You know, you know how I am. They're going to get turned off. if it's their first time listening, They're like that guy's kind of arrogant.
0:02:19 - Eddie
You know how I am? I'm a stubborn tourist OK. What, what are you saying Like you ever been around someone. This happens like pretty often at like work and stuff, where you do something and people ask you when's your birthday, And you go oh man, Yeah, like they figured your shit out.
0:02:37 - Janelle
Right.
0:02:37 - Eddie
Right Yeah, No you haven't figured me out, because I do all kinds of crazy things spontaneously.
0:02:43 - Janelle
Why are you blinking so much at me, right?
0:02:45 - Eddie
now. Have you had too much caffeine. No, ok, i have not.
0:02:49 - Janelle
That is one of my pet peeves, though You touched on it when someone says like they do something and then someone says you know me. Yeah, you know me And I don't actually know you? Like well, maybe I do know you, but you're using it in the context of like well, you know me, i'm always late And I don't. I do. I know that about you, or you know me? I hate you know curry. Right.
I've never had curry with you, like I don't. I just find it so odd when people use that in their regular language. Well, you know me, i don't tolerate blah, blah, blah, blah. I I didn't know that about you.
0:03:24 - Eddie
But what's interesting it? usually they say it from like they talk about a flaw, like it's not, like. You know, you know how. You know how. You know how I am. I'm really great at this, right. You know me, my patience is really is it like this, like you know, illuminating this amazing strength. It's usually like my, one of my flaws, and you know me, and so, since you know me, i'm never going to change this thing.
0:03:46 - Janelle
Yeah.
0:03:48 - Eddie
I don't.
0:03:48 - Janelle
if you're a listener and you say you know me, i'm going to bet that most of the people you say that to they don't know you like that, or they do know you, but you probably need to change that.
Whatever that behavior is, i just find that lots of people lately have been saying that to me. You know me, i don't miss a workout. I'm like I just met you at the gym. I don't know actually anything about your workout routine, like. I just find that people are saying it a lot to me lately And I just want to correct him and be like oh, with all due respect, i don't know you Like, i don't know your habits like that, so it doesn't really apply.
0:04:22 - Eddie
Oh, yeah, you know what I mean. So is that going to be your stance going forward? You're going to say, oh no, i'm so sorry, i don't know you, but thank you for informing me of some of your habits and your struggles.
0:04:33 - Janelle
I think I say, I think my response is like oh, good to know, I didn't actually know that.
0:04:39 - Eddie
Glad you shared these things. There you have it, so I don't know.
0:04:42 - Janelle
Do you have a? what in the world?
0:04:44 - Eddie
No, you said you did, so go ahead. Well, i always have what in the world?
0:04:47 - Janelle
We went on a date night the other night.
0:04:49 - Eddie
Okay.
0:04:50 - Janelle
And we did, and where did we go? Bestia in downtown LA. Fantastic.
0:04:58 - Eddie
Really great food.
0:05:00 - Janelle
And here's my question to the listeners When you go to a restaurant and something's really good, do you share the food with someone at you know a table next to you Who's a complete stranger? Because it happens to me often and I also share often.
0:05:16 - Eddie
Yeah.
0:05:17 - Janelle
So I'll give you an example. Carisa and I were in New York and we ordered pasta from this really great little Italian place And the people that were next to us, to the left, i was like that looks so good, is that good? And they're like, yeah, do you want to try some? I'm like, oh God, no, you know. Just I was just wondering, does it look good? Never fails, they're always like here, just let me cut a little piece and like try it, not saying they're slurping up pasta. And then they you know I'm eating after them. But it has happened since. Like, looking back, i remember being in my twenties with Jamila, one of my best friends, and we'd go to a bar or something and she'd be like girl, those garlic knots look really good, you know, watch this. And she'd asked the guys at the table next to us are those good? Should we order those? Oh, here, try them. Like we always got free food.
0:06:04 - Eddie
Wow.
0:06:04 - Janelle
So that's, one way to do it.
But it is come with me into my adult life, not where I'm asking because I want your stuff, but I find myself sharing a lot. So, anyways, cruz and I are in New York and we wind up ordering because the previous table had something that looked good. It was amazing, they were right. So then the new set of people sit to the right and she asked is that good? And I go, it's so good, you need to try it. And so I cut up some of the noodles before I had eaten it, like on that side, and I insisted on giving her some on her plate. She was so happy. Her husband came back from the bathroom and she was like eating our food. And he was like what's going on? And I'm like here, you have some too. And so they ate our food. What do you think happened when their food came?
0:06:47 - Eddie
They shared with us And it's just like we make friends, like that Every time I hang out with you, i realize well you know me how anti-social I am compared to you. I was like because you know me, I ain't sharing my food. I'm like.
0:07:00 - Janelle
so we're at date night, the other night, bestia, and there's a couple sitting next to us who we don't know And you know same thing. It's like our first time. So I asked her is it your first time? And she said yes. Or she said it's not my first time, but it's his.
The food's delicious. And I was like, oh, we were considering ordering that. And she's like try it, Trust me, Try it, You're going to order your own. And I was like oh, no, no, no, She goes, I insist. I was like okay, this is my soulmate table mate Right.
So she gives us food, we wind up ordering some other stuff And she comes out and I'm like here, you need a slice of this pizza. It's really good. So we shared back and forth all night. I just want to know are we the only people that do that? Because am I the only person? that does that Clearly. I'm not because lots of people share with me.
0:07:43 - Eddie
I think you are in the very small percentage.
0:07:47 - Janelle
Let's see I'm taking a poll.
0:07:48 - Eddie
Well, because you are a like I would say, we're both extrovert. I mean, look, we have a podcast.
0:07:53 - Janelle
So we talk. I don't think you have to be an extrovert to have a podcast.
0:07:57 - Eddie
No, you don't, you could be an introvert. that just happens to date.
0:08:00 - Janelle
Have good things to say, right?
0:08:02 - Eddie
And then you, you turn off the microphone and you say nothing, Right, But um, and you know, and I'll say that because that's more of a social thing, like an environment, but I will say that you are far more friendly than most people when it comes to strangers. Right.
So I'm, I kind of have stranger danger, Like, uh, but you are like the more the merrier, like, come on in, have some of our you know gumbo, right, Like it's just like this thing, Yeah. And so I'm just like I'm, I'm the whole time I'm laughing, I'm like okay, You always come along for the right thing.
0:08:36 - Janelle
I'm like whatever.
0:08:37 - Eddie
Yeah, And then they shared some food and I was like that is fantastic, thank you.
0:08:43 - Janelle
Thank you We wound up making friends, and then I couldn't wait to to give back.
0:08:46 - Eddie
So I was like okay, when we get the pizza, let's cut it up and let's give it up.
0:08:50 - Janelle
So you did a good job, right.
0:08:51 - Eddie
But, it's not inherently right Well my style of, of connecting with people, you're right.
0:08:56 - Janelle
So we were, we were, we were, we were friends, we were friends. So we were vacationing in Greece a couple of years ago We were meet. We met a couple that was staying at the same villa that we were staying. We wind up talking by the end of the 10 minute conversation We exchange, you know, Instagram turns into phone numbers.
A couple months later, jordan and I are going to tour NYU in New York. They insist on letting us stay with them. I'm like, okay, sure, we're friends on social now, and so it never once crossed my mind You shouldn't stay with these people, because it's dangerous and they are, you know like you don't know them.
I was like I do know them, like I I met them in person in another country. And and then so when anyways, we get there, we're having dinner and she said you know, my cousin thinks it's odd that you're going to stay with us. And I told her it's not odd, like she's on social media, like I see her life, what do you think she's going to come and be a murderer in my home?
And so we wound up going on vacation with them you know this summer and they were lovely but we would not have had those friends if it wasn't for me.
0:10:00 - Eddie
Yeah, and what do you think that comes from? Have you always been like, like super and I don't want to say extra, because that's not the right word like? super friendly and and Like I feel like I make friends Over time, right, like you can make friends.
0:10:18 - Janelle
I don't think you have new friends and I Don't think you have new friends. You're like Drake.
0:10:24 - Eddie
No, i mean, I've played golf and made friends, but I haven't.
0:10:28 - Janelle
Okay, here's an example. You've played golf right been. What do you put? into groups. Yeah right. And so you'll spend the whole day golfing, getting to know these four guys. You know all their names, you know what they do for a living. Where they live, you have a great time. Everyone shares socials. You guys exchange phone numbers. Not one time Have you ever reached out to them. Yeah that's not a friend.
0:10:52 - Eddie
I gotta work on that.
0:10:53 - Janelle
Yeah, but don't you feel like if you were like, hey, just want to let you know I'm free, on Sunday I'm gonna be golfing, like are you guys around? or in a couple of weeks, we like I guess if you meet someone that's intriguing enough to have a good time with at that time, then maybe they'd be intriguing enough to want to do it again.
0:11:10 - Eddie
Yeah, yeah, i guess. so I mean. So I'm just asking, like, what is? like? have you always been that way, or is it just something that you grew into? To becoming more social, like?
0:11:22 - Janelle
that. I will say that In my early career as, like a strong, independent woman, some of the feedback I got was like, oh, she's not approachable, she's intimidating. And so then I made it kind of my responsibility to go a little above and beyond, because It's heartbreaking when people provide feedback to you but that's not how your heart is. So I was like, okay, i have to go the extra mile to be a little more friendly and welcoming, probably more than someone else who's not as assertive, but that's okay.
0:11:55 - Eddie
You know how powerful that is, that someone gave you that feedback or told you that because And this is odd, but I would say Leaving high school, I remember you know you have every one sign your really yearbook.
0:12:09 - Janelle
And I remember their phone numbers and you never called any of them. No, no.
0:12:13 - Eddie
I remember like Reading some of the messages from people that I rarely talked to that just like, for whatever reason, like hey, can I sign your yearbook? Yeah, and they put in something to the effect like I risk we would have had a better relationship, but you were just so intimidating right or You.
I didn't think that you would want to be my friend, and so it's interesting, like you learn Why others haven't approached you and either. For me It's just was like hey, i, you know, whoever would approach me I would be open to like connecting with. But it's interesting that if you don't have that feedback, you have no idea how you're perceived.
Yeah, and so so many people want to connect with you, but there is a barrier that they have for themselves Because of you know many different things and I was good at basketball. So they meet, they thought, oh, you were popular or you're handsome, whatever the case may be, and they felt that it was a bit of Intimidation there.
0:13:04 - Janelle
Yeah, i think we're talking about two different things. though You're popular, you're an athlete, they're intimidated. I'm talking about just being a woman in leadership.
0:13:13 - Eddie
say no, i know it's the same thing, because I'm saying like someone gave you perspective that you were able to action on and say, oh, okay, that's the perception and so I need to adjust this to make people feel welcoming.
0:13:24 - Janelle
But I know lots of people that would say well, that's a you problem. If you're intimidated by me and you want to write me off before getting to know me, you know that's your loss and there's truth to that, absolutely. But because I'm a kind the kind of person who likes connection and I like friendships and I, like You, know relationships, i took it as an opportunity for me to say What can I do to kind of break that barrier? And then I think I took it to the next level when I became an entrepreneur and every one of my employees, jokingly one day, was like yeah, you were scary as hell.
Like when you first interviewed me When I first started working for you and I was like, okay, well, help me understand this, though. So I'm intimidating, i'm scary. Did I ever make mean faces, like because I'm always smiling, i'm always, you know, welcoming, and they're like it's just something about you that's like It's just, you know, you're radiating too much positivity or like confidence, and it's like a lot sometimes, and so that's something.
I think, as a woman raising three daughters, that's something that can be difficult to kind of coach a woman on, because you don't want to make women like dim their light so that way other people don't feel intimidated. And I don't know that I've done the best job. But we have raised really great, smart, strong, willed, you know, individual thinker thinking women and They have gotten feedback from boys as they get older, like I liked you for three years But I was too intimidated to approach you. Right, you're intimidating, and so I've had to kind of coach our daughters through that over the years. Like Intimidating can be a them problem, but it could also be something that you try to work on to be more welcoming.
But don't make yourself dumb so that way a guy feels comfortable to step to you, you know.
0:15:10 - Eddie
Yeah, but you know. So I guess that that's a good segue to the episode, because we're talking about, like Mentorship, right, and so someone providing that level, because if you didn't have someone to say hey, you kind of come across as intimidating.
You may want to be mindful of it. Right, you may not have made an adjustment and you've been wondering why people don't want to connect with you or why you're not being approached, right, and so I think that that is is huge, because I think that, without that perspective, someone You know, having the courage, having the, the, the Credibility with you to say here's my observation, and I think you just need to be mindful, changed everything for you.
0:15:47 - Janelle
Yeah well, I think it's a good segue. Can I set up what?
0:15:51 - Eddie
we're talking about.
0:15:52 - Janelle
So, yeah, we were on the phone the other night, um, and You know, it's kind of like our routine, like leave work. You call if. I'm in the middle of something. I'm like okay, you're on your way, love you, see you. I'm cooking dinner, whatever right, but you'll usually check in like right when you get in the car or something.
And so this week, last week, was a little different because we're you were late, staying later to pick Jordan up from school late, right and so We were talking on the phone, kind of wasting time, and I said you to pick up some food for Jordan, because when you pick her Up at nine o'clock She's gonna be really hungry, right. So you said, okay, i'm gonna go to tender greens. Right.
So you go to tender greens? We're talking this whole way like the entire time. I'm gonna get on a car For those that don't know, like Eddie works like in near a mall right And so like you usually walk through and I can kind of visualize it, and then you walk through the parking lot, you get in your car, but sometimes you'll stop and you'll get food at the actual mall. So I don't know if you're walking through or whatever.
Right so we're having this conversation about something totally different. And then I hear someone say hey, excuse me, They somehow they stop you. And you said hold on honey.
0:17:00 - Eddie
No, i didn't even say hold on, so I have my airpods in and I'm talking to you and I get approached from behind. Someone says hey, excuse me, sir, right, and then I think you I assumed that you hear this person because you stopped talking.
0:17:13 - Janelle
You. I did stop talking, but at some point. You were like uh, hold on like quickly, Like you kind of just said he didn't hear me, right. I don't know what he heard, right. I just heard that someone interrupted you. Let's just say that. So you're in the food place. I mean someone stops you, they interrupt you. We're in a conversation and so I hear that someone stopped you. I'm assuming maybe one of your employees caught up to you and wanted to ask you something.
So then the converse I just was like quiet, like letting you do your thing. Really, i had you on speakerphone so it didn't bother me that you weren't talking to me, i was just doing my thing. And then I couldn't really hear what they were saying. But I heard you know, my girl, this and that. And then I was like okay, this is weird, someone really needs Eddie's advice, right? And so I kind of walked away from the phone and I come back to the phone a couple minutes later And I'm like I'm just gonna hang up because whoever it is obviously needs to talk to you, but I must have sat there like on speaker for maybe five minutes or so.
And then I was like, okay, i don't need to be a part of this, i couldn't even hear what he was saying.
0:18:15 - Eddie
Oh, i thought you could okay so.
0:18:17 - Janelle
I hung up and then you call back 20 minutes later And you were like sorry about that. I said, oh, did one of your employees find you? And you said, no, i did not know that guy at all. But he asked me for some advice and I was like, what do you mean? So that brings us to today's topic of conversation.
0:18:37 - Eddie
So yeah, so, just so, how did he approach you? Yeah, so we're talking, i'm in 10 degrees, which is a restaurant in California, right, and so I order my food and I, after I order, i'm walking towards the bathroom, right. So I'm in the hallway walking to the bathroom and then this young, tall kid stops me and says hey, sir, can I ask you something? And I was like sure He goes, i don't have a mentor, but I need some advice. And I was like okay, and so he's like he's talking a little bit about his life.
He's just like you know, i made some mistakes, you know, and I'm trying to rebuild my relationship with my girlfriend And she's just not trying to hear it. And we have a kid together And you know, i had to go to jail for a little while because I made some mistakes. But I'm like my life is good, my life is clean and I'm good now and I'm living in a really tough neighborhood. But I'm just trying to make it through. But like, how do I get my girl to know that I'm working hard?
0:19:37 - Janelle
How do I?
0:19:38 - Eddie
show her that I'm on a different path, because it doesn't seem like she's giving me a chance And I was like, okay, that's a big question.
0:19:46 - Janelle
my friends, So time out, if you're not following a random stranger who happens to work at the restaurant that you're at sees you and I'm thinking that he sees, like you know, a nice looking, approachable, professional black man And he also was a young black man and he says I don't have a mentor, literally stops you He says I don't have a mentor, but you kind of look like you got your shit together. I need some advice.
0:20:16 - Eddie
And it is such a bizarre thing because, like, i have not said anything to anyone, so I haven't made myself appear to be anyone of any type of substantial knowledge or understanding or success, or anything. Or that I have kids or anything, and maybe he just had a really good way of assessing. maybe he saw my wedding ring on, maybe he saw that you know I was well dressed, I carried myself right.
0:20:40 - Janelle
And so he took that, as Maybe you look like money, you look like success Exactly.
0:20:46 - Eddie
No, but something he took from that where. He's. His intuition said this is a person I should ask for help. So we chatted for a while. We ended up walking into the bathroom.
0:20:56 - Janelle
He said can I talk to you in the bathroom? And I was like sure, okay.
0:21:01 - Eddie
And so we walked into the bathroom and we started talking. So we go on and on and I try to help him as much as possible. Then he gets a phone call from his job And he's like, oh my God, we gotta get back to work. And we have been. He actually works there. He was working.
0:21:14 - Janelle
And he wasn't on a break And you guys were talking for like 20 minutes in the bathroom. And his boss is like bro, where are you? So then he just cuts the conversation. My can't really get a bunch of advice.
0:21:26 - Eddie
I mean, I gave him as much as. I could, and so it ended at the right time. But I just thought that was an interesting thing. So I called you and said I thought you can hear what he was saying. So I thought you were interested because you stopped talking immediately, and so it was just one of those things. So we were tired of chatting about it. I was just like one what great self-awareness. And talking to him, he had really great self-awareness.
Because he knew that he was the problem in this situation Right, and he's trying to make a comeback right And trying to regain something that he has lost. So that was a really good insight for him, but also the courage to ask for help right, especially from a stranger. I mean I don't know for the people listening like how many people would actually say I'm gonna go to this stranger right here And I'm gonna say I don't know what's going on, how I fix this thing, but you look like someone that could probably provide some perspective for me.
0:22:19 - Janelle
Yeah, I mean, I found it really remarkable that he was like I don't like where I'm at. I didn't shoot my shot. This guy looks like he could help me. I wonder what he was thinking like, what he saw in you. But I think he was like okay, this guy looks successful enough, he looks, i think you're right. The wedding ring, you know, yeah, maybe he put all those things. That's nice, yeah.
0:22:40 - Eddie
And I think what's interesting is like we coach a lot of people and then there's people that we want to coach, right, And they're just not ready. Right. Right. And so I was like curious of, like what was it in this man's life? And he told me but I've seen people who have bigger problems and still not reach out and ask for help.
0:23:00 - Janelle
You guys, he's talking about some of our family members, right?
0:23:03 - Eddie
I'm just saying yeah And like, not like. What was interesting to me and this is so important is he was clear on what the problem was, what the root cause of the problem was, which I think is super important And he wasn't chasing symptoms of things that are happening in his life. He was like I'm trying to solve how I rebuild this relationship with my knowing that I created these things.
0:23:26 - Janelle
Well, i think what's great about how he approached it? you said he had good self-awareness, but he wasn't making himself the victim. No, no He wasn't like yeah, i messed up one time and my girl won't take me back. And you know, like what do I do to get her to listen? We have family members that you know everything is someone else's fault. And this kid is saying you know, i've made some bad choices. What can I do to get myself back on track?
100% And I think that that person is looking for a way out. They're willing to take responsibility and say I'm willing to be desperate and talk to a stranger about my situation because anybody could provide some you know advice on how to get out of this. And so.
I thought it was really great, which led us to a conversation of you know, have you ever asked a stranger for advice? I think the closest thing that I can think of where I would come close to that is I've been to many conferences, heard many keynote speakers, many people whether they're, you know, influencers or gurus or coaches like share a story, share a perspective, share something, and if it's been something that I need at that moment, i will be the first to run to the stage after And be like.
Hi, i just wanted to let you know my name's Janelle Copeland. Like you know, this really stuck out to me. What books do you recommend? Like? where can like? I want more, and so I am the crazy that will like run to the stage and be the first to say thank you. So much for that. What else do you recommend for next?
0:24:57 - Eddie
steps, Which is totally in line to sharing food, Like you think about. it's like full circle. But that willingness to wanna connect and be vulnerable pretty early in any type of relationship I think you possess. I don't necessarily have that?
0:25:15 - Janelle
No, you don't. You never run to the stage.
0:25:18 - Eddie
I'm not a person that runs to the stage And I can't say that I'm the most comfortable being vulnerable with someone I don't know. Right.
And so and I'm not saying one is good as one is bad And I'm sure there are major benefits to running to the stage. And then I think that there's times where you, you know there may be times when you wanna be less vulnerable, because maybe you still need to figure out what the root cause of the problem is. I don't know, whatever the process is, But I think that we come from two different perspectives when it comes to that.
0:25:46 - Janelle
Well, can I tell you why I run to the stage? Because, pertaining to this topic, i haven't had a lot of great mentors, and so I think that if you're listening to this and you're like stuck in an area of life, like maybe it's your finances need improving We've been there right Maybe it's your relationship or your marriage just doesn't seem to be on track and you need some advice, like the couple we met at Bestia, the restaurant we were just at, asked us cause they were newly dating.
You guys seem like you've been together for a long time. What relationship advice do you have? And we were like let us break it down for you. Right. Like we wish that someone would have given us these bits of information. So here you go, like you know, do what you will with it. So I haven't had a lot of great mentors. So when I started exposing myself to listening to speakers or you know whether they were motivational speakers or teaching or training or something I was like, okay, i need more information from that person. Right.
And so you know the kid that ran up to you and asked you. I would say he said I don't have a mentor, so I need someone, right? I think that there's a lot of power in asking someone who you think can help you for help. Also, i think it's fair to say that I don't have a problem ever asking for help.
Right Like there are a lot of women that we coach in business that are just like I. you know I don't want to bother people And meanwhile you're like barely keeping your head above water because you don't want to inconvenience people and ask them to help you. but you really need help To me. I find that crazy Because I just I've always needed help of some sort And I have found that when I ask and raise my hand and open my mouth, people generally want to help you.
0:27:32 - Eddie
Yeah, and I think when I see you do that to me, one of the things that causes my mind is that you have a strong, healthy sense of entitlement, right?
0:27:42 - Janelle
That can sound bad. No, it can sound bad to some people.
0:27:45 - Eddie
Healthy sense of entitlement, and the reason why that's important is because you find yourself from a self-esteem having value and being significant And because of that you're. Being in your existence in the room is important and you know that you belong there. But also you know that you have a voice and you know that I need to ask for help to extract something, because I'm a person of value and I'm a person that's worthy of this, whatever you're going to tell me Because I think that sometimes people don't find like when we talk about all the time where we take the kids to the doctor and when they were young we had them speak Right, because that grows their sense of entitlement that I'm going to the doctor, the doctor should be ready and willing to take my questions. I'm going to a conference and someone is delivering a speech. They should be ready and willing to take my questions Because that is the position they're putting themselves in And also this is their active service. So I'm continuing that active service by acting as a person of support.
0:28:44 - Janelle
I don't like the entitlement. You know usage.
0:28:49 - Eddie
But entitlement means that there's a self worth, there's a self value that you have.
0:28:53 - Janelle
Yeah, but I don't think that if you stand up and you're giving a speech, then you owe it to me to answer my questions.
0:28:59 - Eddie
No, it's not about owing it to you, but what I'm saying is is that knowing that your question is worthy, to be answered right, if I'm like, because I think sometimes people see people on stage, they see their doctor as a sense of authority, but because they see them as a sense of authority, they see themselves as inferior, and so because you see yourself as inferior and inferior person, doesn't ask for questions they ask questions, right.
So I think that that's just my interpretation of how that see that, because I think sometimes people do have a negative connotation for entitlement because they go too far Where it means everything I step, everything I touch, i own, it's mine, right, and that's an unhealthy sense of entitlement.
0:29:40 - Janelle
See mine, i think if I peeled back the layers, i think it's a bit of scarcity. to be honest, it's like I might not have the opportunity to ask anybody these questions and you seem to be the expert And so right now that I have the opportunity, i've got to ask you. So it's more like out of desperation. I don't want to lose this moment.
So it's like the epitome of like I'm gonna shoot my shot, mm-hmm. So I don't think that. Oh, this person is like The expert. And then I value myself. I look at them as like they're the expert. They may have the solution to the problem that I have, and so I just got to shoot my shot.
0:30:16 - Eddie
Yeah.
0:30:17 - Janelle
That's the way I'm looking at it.
0:30:18 - Eddie
Yeah, and I think it's either way. It moves you to action. Yeah right, and so I think that that's super important, i think, for me when it comes to mentorship, i'm always questioning things right, and so there are times where someone gives me Suggestion or and then I immediately get into, because I you know this about me I like really Debating debate and to beat an idea, until I can come out with, like my and resolution or understanding that's deeper than just the superficial.
So sometimes I know if I'm gonna ask a question then I'm gonna want to, i'm gonna counter like, well, if that's the case, then what about this? right, and nobody wants to do that, but that's how debate.
0:31:05 - Janelle
You guys, before the podcast started I asked them. I said, if we're gonna do an episode on mentorship, who's your mentor? You? don't have a mentor like. Who would you consider a mentor and?
0:31:16 - Eddie
I named some people, i mean you named your boss right named.
0:31:19 - Janelle
You know a couple of people, but then you were like you know my books. I'm like okay, your library doesn't count. The definition of a mentor is a trusted advisor that provides guidance based on their expertise.
Right so a book is giving you like kind of a play-by-play of you know, here's what you should do. It's left up to interpretation, so your little brain can kind of compute and calculate and do what you want with it. But I think a mentor, there's power in a mentor, because a mentor has done what you're asking, you know where you're trying to do and they're advising you and guiding you. And sometimes you don't want to hear it, but that's the point of a mentor.
0:31:56 - Eddie
Yeah, and so where we kind of Different on that, like I see a mentor of anything that can provide mentorship and typically a mentor usually comes from someone that is Close to being a peer of yours, where they're giving you guidance on something that is in real time But also I also see as a mentor is a person that doesn't necessarily have skin in the game, whether or not they you succeed or not.
0:32:19 - Janelle
Right, so, for example, if I read that it's a still a person.
0:32:23 - Eddie
Well, i'm saying that mentorship can come from many different ways. To me can come from if I watch the push podcast and I look at Jenny, janelle as Mentors, because I see what they're talking about. They talk to some of the problems that I'm going through and they give me guidance, but we don't have any skin in the game and whether or not someone actually You know changes are improved on something where I see a like what we do with our students as we coach, like we have skin in the game. We want to see them improve. We're they. They have to come back to us and talk about what they've done. To me That's a coaching thing versus a mentor is like I can give you guidance but I don't have skin in the game, whether or not you succeed or not okay, but it's still a person.
0:33:04 - Janelle
It could be a person, but it could also to me.
0:33:10 - Eddie
It could be a book, and the reason why is this. I find really great mentorship on things that I read. The reason why I do is Because I don't like. I am a person that is easy persuade, because I persuade right.
0:33:22 - Janelle
I'm a person that can. I don't think you're easily persuaded.
0:33:25 - Eddie
Let me hear you Let me out. if someone tells me a story, if someone's on television, if someone's on a podcast and they have a captivating way of speaking, right, and they talk to something about a particular situation or a particular topic and they're really persuasive and influence, influential, it can Become a bias for me and how I'm listening to it in a way that actually Sways me to not think about the thing critically. So what I mean by that is when I read a book, i'm reading it in my own words and then I can cross examine it. I can be critical what I'm reading so that I can come up with my own this like feelings and ideas about whatever I'm reading Which helps me, right.
So if I listen to someone on a podcast and they're talking about Anything right, they could be talking about leadership, they could be talking about life, and The way they're saying it is so influential I can walk away, gone. Well, that's the truth. To me. That's not mentorship. For me, mentorship is like okay, i hear that, but my question is is this and I want to question that, but sometimes, when you're persuaded, you don't have questions because you've already made up your mind.
0:34:33 - Janelle
But if you had a mentor that was an actual person, you'd be able to have these conversations and actually do the debating Which you love so much.
0:34:40 - Eddie
I'm not saying that that I'm not saying that that doesn't exist. I'm saying why I find mentorship in books and reading.
0:34:45 - Janelle
Well, okay, so this is where the debate is. That, again, the definition of a mentor is a trusted advisor and And someone that is providing guidance and advising you. Now, we don't always have access to mentors period. So that was me younger life right.
Now I have, like a cousin who has had a really successful business. I would consider her a mentor in the business arena, like if I needed some business advice I was trying to grow my company I could contact her. I have another friend who's you know great in real estate. If I needed some mentoring on investment properties I would go to her. So now there are different mentors. As I'm older and I have relationships, there are different people I would tap into for different things.
If you're listening to this, which we would have, you know, heard a message like this, let's say, ten years ago, and said well, i don't have anyone to help mentor me. We would have said that, and that's when the collection of the library started, that's when we started listening to podcasts, that's when we started attending conferences, and so I want to give you just eight really quick things that Take the place of a mentor if you don't have access to a mentor. But I think that if you did any of these things, they would reveal actual live Mentors that you could then start to even peer-to-peer mentor each other.
She said Like for 30 minutes before we started the podcast. I'm like okay, are you not understanding that? I'm asking you a Mentor, who do you have? the who's, a trusted advisor that you go to for advice? I think it's important to note that if you don't have anyone, these are some things that you can do to put yourself in a few different situations where you can have access to live people, because we could ask Google, we could ask chat, gpt, you could ask all the books. but I think that there's power in having some accountability and peer-to-peer Mentorship and having conversations and debates in real life. Right, oh, would you agree? Oh, yeah okay.
So, number one if you don't have access to a mentor, you could dive into self education. Self education is the internet, you know. There's so much information available just at your fingertips Now. You can take online courses. You can listen to webinars. A lot of the stuff is free tutorials. You can invest in educational platforms like Coursera. You could take a course from us, which we've helped thousands of students grow their business with our course passion to profit. We have been mentors to them.
So whatever you can do to deepen or enhance skills or knowledge in a particular area, you could utilize self education. The next one is networking. So attending industry events, you could join professional organizations, participate in online forums, communities related to whatever it is that you're interested in or trying to get better at. An example Would be I told someone the other day I think I'm gonna join like a toast masters group. I want to get better at delivering a message. I could read all the books I want on delivering a speech, but going to a group like toast masters, where there are live people listening, you can see the audience reaction. They provide feedback. That becomes like a mentor, peer-to-peer type of learning situation where I think in person is beneficial. Do you agree? I?
0:38:13 - Eddie
agree You wouldn't want to do something like that. No, i would. I mean, i agree. I also just think that you can. there are books in that we have about speaking. You can take one or two of those tactics and you can go and speak and then actually try out those things and get the same response that you would get if you were to go to a Toastmasters. I'm not saying one.
0:38:36 - Janelle
I'm looking for an expert to provide advice, not just some random Joe that's like hey, can you sit down so I can tell you this, and then you let me know how. It feels like there's something to be said for getting expert advice.
0:38:48 - Eddie
Yeah.
0:38:49 - Janelle
Okay, moving on to the next thing reading books books articles, blogs can provide, obviously, a ton of knowledge.
I'm going to tell you, some of these books behind me have changed our financial trajectory. Some have changed our marriage, the way that we parent, the way that we run our business. Like different ideas have been born from these books. So when we had no real life mentors, then you get tons of information from books and blogs and articles and stuff. Another one is podcasts and TED Talks. We consume those like water. Lots of people watch lots of television. We watch TV in the evening just to kind of wind down, but throughout the day we are sharing TED Talks, podcasts, like different things, YouTube videos.
These platforms are generally free. They provide expert advice in various fields. People get to share their knowledge and experiences and expertise and you can try on different perspectives and stuff. The next one's peer mentorships. If you can't find a traditional mentor, you can consider forming like a peer-to-peer mentor group. This is where you can provide feedback and support and advice. I think that there's so much power in that. So again, if you were to invest in passion to profit, our course that we offer. We become your mentors, but we put you in a community and we encourage you to seek out peer-to-peer mentorship as well, because I might only have one perspective, but this whole community can tell you what their ideas are and generally will come up with something better together in a community 100%.
Next thing is coaching, which we offer lots of coaching, especially for small businesses. So if you're willing to invest and hire a professional coach, this can just save you so much time and speed and headache, and then you get guidance and advice that could be priceless, depending on what you're trying to grow or gain coaching in. And then the next thing would be online mentoring platforms. so different websites LinkedIn, what is Reddit offers tons of things You could subscribe to a ton of different platforms that obviously not obviously that updates you regularly on certain topics that you're trying to get better at. Money would be one of those things. And then the last one is self-reflection, which I think the guy that approached you had done a lot of self-reflection to gain some really great self-awareness, to understand that he was actually the problem, and now I need somebody to advise me on what I can do to get out of this. And so websites again, like LinkedIn.
0:41:21 - Eddie
Well, let me just and I think the self-awareness thing is powerful because I think all of these things are really great and some of these things are accessible to people and some are not Right. So some people are in environments where, like this young person was they approached me where there does not seem to be an obvious mentor Right, and so your self-assessment and being able to either write down in a journal and read some of the things can be really great mentorships for yourself, because you can identify some of the problems that you may have, you can come up with some solutions to figure those things out, and I think those are really powerful. And so I think that like I guess that's where I would say that I have in my life felt like I did not have always a obvious mentor And so I have been really comfortable with, like, my own thoughts, but also with reading and things of that nature, to pull and extract mentorship from those things. So I'm not saying that one is better than the other.
0:42:27 - Janelle
I'm not saying. one could argue to say that like well, maybe you're not coachable, then because you have but that's different, it's information, but that's but that's different, because coaching is a very, very distinct act.
0:42:39 - Eddie
That's different than mentorship Coaching is. I know I'm saying Hey, here's a specific thing we're working on. I'm going to observe you, i'm going to give you feedback, i'm going to give you tactics and different ways as the to improve your skill set. I'm highly coachable, because that's the thing that I look for most is I want the feedback, i want someone to assess, i want those things.
Those are things I thrive off of because being an athlete, right Coaching was part of it, so you learn to be really coachable really early on. Mentorship to me is a little. It's a distinctively different, but what I'm saying in that regard is mentorship is one way is that sometimes it's not very specific. Sometimes you're part of a group, like some of the things that you read off, sometimes you're not getting. That person doesn't have teeth in the game for what you're doing, so they're not observing everything that you're doing. Mentorship is like I bring you something from my perspective and you give me some type of general guidance on based on what you know from your experience. Not I saw you do this, i saw you do these things. Here's my assessment on that.
0:43:42 - Janelle
So would you consider a therapist, a mentor or a coach, because I know a lot of?
0:43:47 - Eddie
therapists is definitely a mentor, because the therapist is only working off of your perspective that you tell them. Mentors are only working off of what you tell them. Coaches are working off of what they observe and see and hear and feel based on what you're doing.
0:44:03 - Janelle
Okay.
0:44:04 - Eddie
So there's an intimate seat to a coaching that you can get just hard to get for mentors.
0:44:07 - Janelle
Well, I think that the point is is like. this comes down to personal preference and semantics. I think that having a mentor is someone that I can pick up the phone or have access to that will provide me some sort of guidance based on their experiences, and, like again the definition it says, you know, the goal of having a mentor is to gain insights and learn from someone else's experiences. Even without a formal mentor, though, you can still achieve learning through all of the various resources and strategies that we use, so I think that they are different, but they fall under the umbrella under personal development.
So, for example, growing personally right.
Getting better at something. I think really. I mean we're giving you a list of eight different things that you can do to kind of grow and mentor yourself. In some cases, all of them fall under personal development. But the original question was the guy approached you and said I don't have a mentor, no one to provide guidance. You look like a guy. So, I'm going to dump all my stuff on you and I'm going to ask you a hundred percent And all I can go by is what he's telling me.
0:45:13 - Eddie
And so, just like you just read in your definition that a mentor is going to give you Something from their experience. That's what I was able to do, right, to be really distinct, distinctive, a coach is not using their necessary, their experience necessary. They're what they're using their experience to guide, what they're observing to help you improve. Okay, right, so there's a very different relationship there. So I think it's important for people to know the difference, because some people may be listening to this and they need a coach. They need someone that's going to assess them right, on a regular basis. Where some people need a mentor, right, and a mentor is going to be someone that you can have dialogue with. That's sharing stories, that sharing experience, and you're pulling from that as mentorship to make adjustments in your life, right, either way to your point. It's going to be personal development. You're going to improve, hopefully, if you're putting the things into action. But they're two different relationships.
0:46:07 - Janelle
Okay, so Coach or mentor doesn't matter, it's a person. The list I gave you is a list of eight different ways that you can kind of grow yourself If you don't have access to a mentor or a coach. Yeah.
So I think if I were listening to this and ten years ago I felt like I didn't have access, i would say okay, i'm gonna start with self-education. I'm gonna start by signing up for some courses. Maybe there's some events that I can go to you. There are definitely some books that I can read. If I can't afford to get books and courses, then I'm gonna start with YouTube channel stuff. That's free podcast stuff.
So I think you could and and honestly This is exactly what we did to really dive into personal development. So we will list the list in the show notes, but let us know, like do you have a mentor? Do you have a coach? Do you have a therapist? Who do you go to to seek advice from or guidance? and then also, which of these categories are you leaning into You regularly, especially if you're struggling with something?
whether it be your finances, your relationship, your relationship with your kids. You know Your career aspirations like who are you going to or where are you getting advice or guidance from To get better and to continue to up level your life, that's what the push podcast is about is about Constantly pushing you to do not to do more, but to do better right and so I hope that this episode helped you.
I want to know who your mentor is. I want to know who you're taking advice and guidance from, but I also want to know what you're doing to put your Next step in front of the next.
0:47:42 - Eddie
Yeah, and in front of the next and, if I can give any advice, like be really Obsessed with the root cause and not the symptoms, because I think sometimes when you find a mentor, you can be bringing it to them symptoms and you're trying to solve for symptoms. The problem when you solve for symptom is the pain goes away but the problem still exists, and that can be lead you to an, you know, having disillusion to what is actually going on, and so I think it's just super important for you to like understand, like Hey, here's my root cause, and sometimes you could do that by asking yourself why, why is that the case?
Why am I having a difficult time with this relationship? Why is it? And so then you do that and you find out. Okay, here's my root cause. Now I can find and ask the right question to a mentor well.
0:48:27 - Janelle
So We'll wrap with an example of this morning. We had a coaching call with our students who are all business owners And we were talking about staffing. You know I can't find any good employees. I have such high turnover. People keep quitting. As a coach I said I'm just gonna let you know that in my experience it comes from poor leadership. You probably don't know how to ask really great interview questions. You don't know what the skills are that you're looking for, the characteristics and employees when you're interviewing them, so you're probably not asking the right questions.
Therefore, you're hiring based on, you know, personality or you like them. They were outgoing, and so I think you probably don't know how to properly hire and that's why people wind up leaving. That was more of a coaching thing, but she was looking for a mentorship around you know. Just here's my problem. Maybe you can tell me why people in 2023 don't want to work. I'm like they want to work. You're just not hiring the right people right right.
So, anyways, yeah, that was a really great conversation, because the root cause is that you are now a leader in your business, but you've never been trained on leadership, so of course you don't know how to interview, of course You don't know how to inspire someone or motivate them. So you got to work on yourself before you can be really good at these things, and then you will attract better employees and she was like. Right amazing like that. I didn't know that that was the root cause. She wanted us to treat the symptom hundred percent.
0:49:56 - Eddie
That's a great example.
0:49:57 - Janelle
Yeah, let us know if this episode served you. I hope that you got something great out of it. Obviously, there's a debate here, but I think it's good information for our listeners.
0:50:06 - Eddie
Yeah, and either way, whatever, however you take this information, i think that at the end of the day, like Working on your development, as your personal development, whether it be for your career, for your business, is going to be super important, and knowing that There are resources out there to make those types of improvements.
0:50:21 - Janelle
Yep, we'll see you guys in the next episode, take care.
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